The outer-self would have gotten angry, put up a fight. It would have felt so good for the moment. Instead? Relax and allow.
I could sense what was happening. The bridge was smoldering as it had many times before. But this time I knew there was no turning back. My boss was heading down a path. I knew he wanted me to resign and walk away.
That would mean no unemployment. Too many employees, not enough work. We’d had our differences over the years. I had complained that my share of work was not enough. Perhaps the newer employees came in at a lower percentage, which meant more for the company to keep, rather than the percentage to those of us with 15 years of experience.
The office manager was in there as a witness to something. I didn’t want to blow up. My heart was pounding. Fight or flight? Hm. I grabbed ahold of one word that had sunk in during collective consciousness classes:
What could have been one of the most horrible events suddenly turned into…relief! We weren’t fighting at all.
What a surprising feeling under the circumstances! So I said it to myself again, “Allow” Before I knew it, he was doing all the talking.
Eventually what came about was the best result I could have wished for: my choice how to end the relationship. No hard feelings on either side.
A year ago I would have been devastated and wallowing in self pity, unable to move forward with all the thoughts in my head and heart, concern for the future, and anger at life’s turn. And dozens of my close friends and family would have shared a similar state of anger and worry with me.
But not at all. Instead, I have set about to restructure my life and plans for the next ten years, something I wouldn’t have stopped to do in the always busy and consumed mindset I had been in for the past decade.